The second mode is what I call “autopilot brain”.  It requires almost no willpower because I’ve already defined what needs to be done, so I just follow those decisions.  Sometime it takes a little more work because I have a lot of options, but it is within a world of narrow possibilities.  The great thing is that it is so much easier to do all those things, I don’t need to “get motivated” or “find the energy” I just start rolling along and as I complete each action I find a bit more energy for the rest.  When I have a long list of things to crank through and don’t feel like thinking too much, it’s nice to just start at the top and trust that I was right when I decided to put each item on the list.

There are probably other modes, reflection, contemplation, etc. and I even think there are times when I can do both at the same time which I would call “congruent” mode.  I think that I may be better than the average person at that congruent mode, which is why I was able to survive so long without any kind of organizational system.  But the problem is that it can be very stifling and limiting to try to “do both” or to force it.  I think it’s much better to shift back and forth and then periodically click into the flow of both doing things and deciding what to do in the same moment.  It may actually be more beneficial to switch back and forth because the non-obvious but still important things get done.

I still haven’t figured out the rhythm of how this will all work with school.  It seems like I’m always coming up to the wire with reading, I’d like to find a way to get just a little ahead.  It just takes a lot of time so I’m often tempted to get a few other quick things checked off my list instead of doing the reading which is arguably one of the most important tasks I have these days.

Several of my strengths for ministry have come to light for me, especially during my internship.  One important one is my ability to preach and to articulate my theology in a clear and straightforward manner.  I see part of the purpose of the sermon to be addressing things that are often unsaid in the community, whether it is a word of comfort or challenge.  As I’ve grown more experienced and seen the direct effect that my preaching can have on a situation, I now see how powerful good preaching can be to creating and sustaining a healthy worshipping community.  Another strength I have is in connecting one to one with people.  I’ve always thought this was a gift of mine and that was reinforced for me this past year.  I think that the heart of that kind of connection is to cultivate a feeling of respect for the other person, no matter who they are.  A elderly man with Alzheimer’s, a small child, and the congregational president all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect in my opinion, God calls each of us to different ministries according to our gifts so every single person matters.  I have found that this attitude changes people, especially those who feel like they are rarely taken seriously, and it empowers them to come together as a community.

One of my strengths is to be able to look critically at myself and see what I need to improve.  I have worked on many of my weaknesses and made great progress.  The one that I think needs the most attention relates to time and task management.  I tend to be a procrastinator by nature and without help I will neglect to do things that I intend to do.  I have realized that I probably won’t ever fully overcome this tendency so I need to come up with a “workaround”, i.e. a way to find another solution to the problem that relies on my strengths.  The current workaround that I’m using is an organizational system called “Getting Things Done” based on a book by David Allen.  I had read the book and implemented the system in my job the year before I started seminary and that was the only time in my life when I can remember feeling totally “on the ball” with everything I needed to do.  Unfortunately, the system needs to be modified for the work patterns of a student or a pastor, so I fell out of the habit.  About two months ago, I reread the book and started adapting the system to suit my current situation and I’ve found the same dramatic results.  I tend to be great at systems level thinking and poor at tracking a lot of details, so this is a way for me to keep up with small details by taking advantage of my strength with systems.

In the parish, I think this system will be very helpful for me in keeping up with the more ad hoc tasks of a pastor, like visitation.  I have no trouble remembering to write a sermon or prepare for teaching a class because they have built in deadlines, but I need something to help me keep up with regular visitation.  One of my goals in my first call is to visit every member in the congregation who wants a visit.  In order to meet a goal like that I’ll need to be consistently making visits so it will help to be organized.

    In general, I think that I have great gifts for ministry.  I know that I have the capacity but, of course, I still need to develop and grow.  I hope that my task management system can become second nature to me, so that it no longer feels like something I have to work at.  Although I think I am a good preacher, I’m sure that my ability will grow with experience and with a new ministry context.  One of the great developments that happened over my internship year was that I overcame my anxiety about public speaking.  I now feel confident and comfortable leading worship and I think I can now focus on improving my speaking style and presence.
If I am a solo pastor in my first call, I think I will quickly learn a lot about how to manage that responsibility.  Although internship gave me some exposure to that, I think I will need to actually be a pastor before I fully understand the role.  That applies to the business aspect of leadership as much as the interpersonal and community development aspects.  I know that there are many areas where I need to develop and I am confident in my ability to learn and grow into the role.

Following your description, write an essay that describes how you would exercise leadership in that situation. What might you do in the case study you’ve described, and why? What challenges or opportunities do you perceive in the case you’ve described? What theological concerns do you perceive to be at stake?

The root of conflict around something like this is really grief.  Specifically, it is grief at losing the possibility of restoring the congregation to “the way things used to be”.  Many people have oriented their vision of the church toward an idealized past, and have a difficult time accepting a different vision.  Even when that new vision is full of hope and new life for the congregation, it can be very difficult to accept something that looks different.

The first thing that needs to be done in a situation like this is to admit the reality of the division, name the potential for conflict.  When I have shared my vision with other pastors their response is often “wouldn’t that create two congregations?”.  The answer is “yes”.  But I believe this already is true every time a congregation experiences rapid growth.  I would be open about this from the beginning, and work constantly toward integrating the two groups into one community.  This would primarily be through forming social groups connected to the church, a knitting club, quilters, etc.  Another idea would be to ask each older member to “adopt” one of the new younger members and invite them over for a home cooked meal.  It is much more difficult to have an “us and them” mentality when you have personal connections with the other group.

Even with all of that, I expect there will be some conflict.  Hopefully, the individuals involved would come to me privately.  I find that it is much easier to have a frank and open conversation one on one rather than in front of a large group.  I think every complaint and every complainer should be taken seriously.  Their complaints may seem frivolous but the root of the complaint is never frivolous.  In my experience, many older people are simply written off and ignored, which can lead to a very negative and pessimistic attitude.   At very least that feeling of being disrespected and the overly negative attitude should be taken seriously.  I also think that many legitimate complaints may arise.  If there was a conflict between two individuals, I would try to talk about it to each of them privately, and talk with them together if necessary.

Another possible point of division would be the lifelong Lutherans being concerned that the new members were somehow not “really” Lutheran because they don’t follow the traditional worship style, etc.  I think this would be a great opportunity to talk about the heart of our faith, and what it means to be Lutheran.  To me, the chief point of Lutheran doctrine is about the righteousness of faith and God’s grace.  “The righteousness of faith is the forgiveness of sins, reconciliation with God, and our adoption as God’s children only on account of the obedience of Christ, which through faith alone, out of pure grace, is imputed for righteousness to all true believers, and on account of it they are absolved from all their unrighteousness.”  In terms of disagreements over practice and doctrine, I agree with Martin Luther “If this only article [concerning justification by faith] remains pure on the battlefield, the Christian Church also remains pure”  (FCSD 3.6)

I want to talk about Guilt this week.
Guilt is so common
Lutheran Guilt
Catholic Guilt
Jewish Guilt
Buddhists & Hindus have the idea of Karma

which I think would be worse, feeling guilty over something that happened in a previous life

But being a Christian just can’t be about feeling guilty all the time

        I just can’t believe that’s how God operates

No, Guilt itself is not a very helpful or uplifting thing

    It makes us feel terrible

It reveals to us that we can never live up to being the people that God created us to be

That sinking feeling in your stomach or the lump in your throat when you realize that you just keep falling short is not pleasant

In fact, Guilt can have only one good purpose

to drive us to seek God’s grace

That is the simple fact of God’s grace, that we don’t deserve it but God gives it anyway.

I’m not alone in this idea

    St. Paul happens to agree with me (well, I agree with him anyway)

6:21 So what advantage did you then get from the things of which you now are ashamed? The end of those things is death.
6:22 But now that you have been freed from sin and enslaved to God, the advantage you get is sanctification. The end is eternal life.
6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Paul uses the word “ashamed” instead of “feeling guilty” which is a slightly different concept.
His culture, and Roman culture was more oriented toward Shame
What other people think
We tend to be more oriented toward Guilt
Evaluating our actions against an absolute sense of “right”
For us to understand this in our context, we need to be a bit free with the translation.

“What advantage did you then get from the things about which you now feel guilty?”

Paul is describing here as being a “slave to sin” has a dual meaning.
Not just about sinning
Carrying around guilt – not believing God’s Grace is for you too
That’s also being a slave to sin.
The two things are actually inextricably linked

In fact, to operate under the false assumption that we can somehow earn our salvation by doing good deeds or avoiding sinning is the biggest sin of all

In medieval times they called it Pride

    To say that we can earn salvation is to say that Christ died for nothing

    It is to say that we don’t need God

    And as Paul points out, then we are still enslaved to sin.

Think about that last line because Paul is making an important distinction
6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wages are what you deserve for your days work

When you get your paycheck, you don’t run to your boss and profusely thank him or her for the generous gift of money.

Grumble about how small it is

    Because wages are what we have earned

    So the only wage we can possibly earn in life is death
Because everything we do is tinged with our own sinful selfishness
Even if you live a perfect pious life,

isn’t that just a selfish attempt to earn your own salvation?

We can never earn God’s grace

But the radical and amazing good news is that we don’t have to
Even if our only deserved wage is death
God gives us life as a free gift

6:15 What then? [Paul Writes] Should we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!

It’s easy to get caught up at this point, or to assume that Grace doesn’t work, so we should still pretend that we earn our eternal reward.

How does Grace work?

Personal story – Grace to do the dishes

Disclaimer: I don’t think that not washing your dishes is a sin.  I just want to use this as an example of how easy it is to get pulled in to that sense of Guilt and how much accepting God’s grace can turn us around.  I can be this neurotic but this story is also slightly exaggerated for comedic effect.

A couple of weeks ago,  I was standing in my kitchen staring at a sink full of dirty dishes.

I felt completely paralyzed, “How could I let it get this bad?”.

I like to cook at home, so in any given day I produce a few dirty dishes and cups.
I had let it get out of hand and in that moment,

after a tiring day,

I was staring at a sink of dishes and feeling like my life had spiraled out of control.

Obviously I was overreacting, but I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Sometimes we all hit a point where we drop the ball on something minor and it feels like everything is falling apart.

I was wracked with guilt.

So what was my response,

did that guilt empower me to get those dishes done?

No, I retreated into the living room and turned on the TV,

I’d just try not to think about it.

But I couldn’t ignore it.

I started thinking of all sorts of other things that I fell short on,

the times I had said the wrong thing and hurt someone.

That time in the 5th grade when I had cheated on a math test.

Oh and didn’t I need to do laundry too?

Finally, I buried my head in my hands and closed my eyes and I prayed

“Oh God, please take this guilt away, I am so sorry, take this burden don’t let me stay enslaved to this feeling of guilt.  Forgive me!”

And then I thought about Jesus,

about how God had lived in our midst and knew what human life was like first hand.

How he had submitted himself to be crucified, and showed us the depth of his love.

If God would do that for me, I know that he will forgive me for this.

And just like that, the guilt was gone.  I felt alive again, invigorated.

Did I turn back to the TV,

happy in the feeling that it was ok to have dirty dishes because I knew that God had forgiven me?

Heck no!  I got up and cleaned up those dishes right away, I even did the laundry after that.

That’s part of the power of God’s Grace.  Once we realize that it is for us, we are freed from being a slave to sin (As Paul puts it)
Not necessary freed from the consequences of our past actions
But freed from the guilt and regret
We become bound to righteousness
And God fill us with life and inspires us to work in the world
To make things right
Not to earn something
remember, all we can earn is death
But in gracious response to the amazing gift of eternal life

So for your homework this week, I want you to practice this:
When you feel that sinking feeling, that lump of guilt in your throat
Even if it’s for something as silly as not doing the dishes
Stop and immediately pray to God for forgiveness
Really do it
Ask God to take that sin and guilt and turn it around
And believe it,

God will forgive you

6:14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
Amen
(Soli Deo Gloria)

Following your sermon, write an essay in which you explain how the text that you used addresses the situation and what you intended to do in your preaching. How did you seek to engage the situation in your preaching? Describe how your preparation was informed and motivated by the situation. Indicate what matters to you and to your audience as you undertake the work of exegesis and other tasks of preparation.

This particular text is an interesting one.  At it’s heart I think it is about Grace, and yet it could so easily be twisted into works-righteousness.  Even though Paul is explicit, writing “we are not under law but under grace” and “the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”, he is also trying to address the problem of so-called “cheap grace”.  I think the way he addresses this is by a focus on Conversion and Sanctification, that is, being freed from Sin through Grace and becoming a slave to God.  I chose to tell a somewhat lighthearted story to express this idea rather than talk about Conversion or Sanctification, because I think those terms are loaded or confusing for many people, especially those who are new to church.

I preached this sermon at my internship site, so that context was the primary consideration.  I have found that clear and focused sermons work best with this congregation, so I chose to stick with a single text.  The previous week, we had had a guest preacher raising money for an organization called “Food for the poor” who had preached a very heavy handed sermon with dubious theology, so part of my intention was to heal the hurt that he had caused and focus on a word of Grace.

In terms of exegetical work, I focused mainly on the logic and flow of the passage rather than word study or context.  The context of Paul’s audience in Rome is very similar to our current context.  Roman society was highly cosmopolitan and religiously pluralistic.  He was writing to a mixed group of Jews and Gentile converts which closely parallels today’s mixed audience of longtime members and new “seekers”.  Because this particular passage talks so much about sin and righteousness I think it is easy to miss the central point and get the opposite impression of Paul’s intention.

My primary intention with every sermon is to help the hearers make a connection between the scripture that they’ve heard and their own lives.  At the same time, I also always try include a basic outline of the theology of the cross.  I agree with Luther that the cross is the key to scripture, and I think it’s worth mentioning in almost every sermon.  To me, that must also include mention of the incarnation.  I do this for two reasons.  First, because there may be a first time visitor hearing it, and they deserve to hear the Gospel proclaimed in clear and simple language that isn’t overly “churchy”.  The second reason is that lifelong Christians still need to be reminded about the core of their faith.  During my internship I have had a few conversations with older people who have been Lutheran their entire lives and I am amazed that some of them still seem to have a works-righteousness based theology.

1. Hand out blank note cards and pencils

2. “This is a prayer technique that I accidentally discovered recently and I’ve found it really helps me, so I hope it will work for you too.  First, I’d like to to write the numbers 1 – 10 down the right hand side of the card, because we’re going to make a list.  We won’t be sharing these this is just for your own use.  Take a minute or two to write down ten concepts, ideas, emotions, etc. that you value.  I think this exercise works best if you use big abstract concepts, like Joy or Peace.  It doesn’t have to be the top ten, it’s just those things that come to mind including those two I just mentioned if you’d like.  You can also write qualities that you appreciate in yourself and others, hopes you have for the world, etc.  The only rule is that it needs to be somewhat abstract.”

3. Wait until everyone has their lists written.

4.  “Ok it looks like we’re all done.  We’re going to be doing a kind of confession and forgiveness  with this list spending a minute or so reflecting on each item.  When I do this, lots of other ideas of things I want to remember pop into my head and distract me, so I just write them down.  When that happens to you just grab another note card and write it down to get it off your mind.”

5. “When I do this, for each value I first think of the ways I’ve lived into that value in recent memory.  What have I said or done that has put more of this value into the world? or What choices have I made a certain way because of this value?  For example, one of my values is Love so I might think about the fact that I talked to my mother on the phone recently.”

6. “Then I reflect on all the ways in recent memory that I have fallen short and not lived up to this value either.  What I’ve done or failed to do, said or failed to say.  Some of the things may have been unavoidable, for example you had plans to have dinner with an old friend but you had to cancel at the last minute because that was the only time that worked for everyone for an important committee meeting.  Those are important for me to think about because although I may feel bad about going against my values, I tend not to confess something as a sin unless I feel like I had another option.”

7.  “As we go through each item, we’ll do corporate confession and absolution before moving on to the next one, and we’ll end with a prayer.  Ok?”

8. “The Lord be with you…Glory be to the Father, and the Son +, and the Holy Spirit.  As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end.  Amen”

9.  “I invite you to look at the first value on your list.  God has called you to help create this value in the world.  How have you lived into this value recently?  Reflect on the ways that you have followed that call.”

10.  Wait 30 seconds and ring bell (singing bowl, something like that).

11.  Flip your own card over and take two full breaths while still looking at the group.

12.  Flip the card back over.

13.  “Now look at the first value on your list.  God has called you to help create this value in the world.  How have you not lived into this value recently?  Reflect on the ways that you have failed to follow that call.”

14. Wait 30 seconds and ring bell (singing bowl, something like that).

15.  Flip your own card over and take two full breaths while still looking at the group.

16. “Gracious God, I confess that I am in bondage to sin and cannot free myself.  I have not lived up to the values that you have placed in my heart.  Please forgive me.”

17.  “God has walked in our midst in Christ Jesus, and he laid down his life so that we may know that God’s grace, mercy, and love for us have no limit.  For his sake I declare to you that all these sins are forgiven.  Amen.”

Repeat steps 9 – 17

18. “Let us pray.  Dear God, thank you for all the things to call us to.  Thank you for giving us the ability to follow your call.  Thank you for the gift of grace when we don’t.  In the coming week remind us of your presence and fill our hearts with your peace.  We ask this in Jesus’ name.  Amen.”

19.  “Go in peace, you are saved by God’s grace.”  Thanks be to God

20.  “Let’s share a sign of God’s peace together.”

A couple of months ago, I reread the book and actually tried to follow it as closely as I could and it has done nothing short of completely revolutionizing my life.  That sounds like an exaggeration, but I really mean it.  Not only am I dramatically more productive, but I feel happier, more dynamic, confident, responsible, patient, present for other people, etc.

One central part of these methods is a formalized “Weekly Review”.  Without explaining every step, I’ll just say it involves totally clearing the decks, taking everything you have to do now or in the future and everything on your mind and everything you might want to do someday and putting all of that “Stuff” in to your system.  For me that means little note cards in folders, but for most normal people that would mean putting it on lists, or in some software.

The result for me is an incredible sense of peace.  The author of GTD, David Allen, calls it “Mind like water” borrowing from martial arts.  Whatever you call it, it’s awesome.  I’ve also discovered that the time when I most need to review is usually exactly when I think I don’t have time for it.  Yesterday, for example, I had plans to make pulled pork tacos (Carnitas) for a community meal at my Apt complex, roast coffee with friends, go shopping for and prep taco toppings, play ultimate frisbee, buy tiny liquor bottles for a pinata at the party, and host the party or at least kick it off.

Basically, the last thing I thought I had time for was an hour long review.  I was totally stressed out and overwhelmed.  But, I managed to squeeze it in and by the time I finished, I was so glad because it meant I had zero extra stress going to that frisbee game.

They say in the book that the weekly review is central to the process and I think I understand why, it’s the one time in the week when I feel the most “on the ball”.   You’d think it would be overwhelming to look at absolutely everything, but actually it’s more overwhelming to have all of it floating out there undefined.  When you step back and look at the bigger picture of my day to day tasks and obligations, it is incredibly relaxing.

The other thing that I’ve found is that the weekly review offers a great opportunity to connect and reflect on how to live your values and vocation.  I’ve created a little meditation exercise that I follow which I will post another time.

I have a specific vision for the type of ministry setting to which I believe I’m called.  I imagine an old congregation, which was once thriving, located in an “up and coming” urban area.  The neighborhood is getting an influx of young adults who have no interest in going to a traditional Lutheran church service, because they see church as being largely irrelevant to their lives.  Those few that do try to go are driven away by the pervasive negativity of a dying congregation.  The new residents of the neighborhood probably don’t look or act like “typical” Lutherans, they are racially and ethnically diverse, LGBT, more spiritually curious and less connected to a tradition, or all of the above.  As a result, although the church is in a thriving neighborhood the membership continues to decline.  In fact, many in the congregation don’t even realize that they should reach out to their neighborhood, assuming that only white heterosexuals of Scandinavian or German descent would ever come to a Lutheran church.  In this specific context, I think economic disparity issues may be less significant than other issues, although there may be some subconscious racism in the existing congregation that assumes that the new neighbors are poorer.

It is most likely that I would serve a context like this as a solo pastor, but it is possible that I could serve a larger church as an associate focused on outreach to the new neighbors.  An integral part of my plan is to create a second worship service that follows a very different style.  Good theology would be central to everything about the service, but every other aspect of the worship could be changed.  In some respects, this would be two congregations in the same building, but the intention is that the existing congregation would support and nurture the emerging congregation.  I don’t just mean financial or volunteer support, I think there is tremendous potential for intergenerational community between young adults and older retired people around traditional skills and handcrafts.  Knitting is a great example of something that is extremely popular with both young adults and older people.  I think community could be built around things like organic gardening, cooking, or woodworking.  Rather than force two groups to come together around what separates them, I would focus on the things they have in common and draw on both the wisdom in the older generation and the energy of the younger.  My role in that context would be to create opportunities for those groups to come together, to protect sacred space for them to be apart and to foster authentic worship for both groups.